


Anywhere, Always

by durinsreign



Series: Anywhere, Always [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Angst, Banter, Doubt, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fíli being supportive, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I'd say sorry but I'm not, Kíli is so in love, Legolas is also so in love, M/M, Pain, Playful teasing, Whiplash, elvish beliefs, i literally got whiplash, naming stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22876240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/durinsreign/pseuds/durinsreign
Summary: What Kili and Legolas talked about the night before they broke up.
Relationships: Kíli/Legolas Greenleaf
Series: Anywhere, Always [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644694
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Anywhere, Always

**Author's Note:**

> To compensate for the previous angst
> 
> For Jenny & Fili Gang 
> 
> Thank you to @/Kokorrosive for beta reading
> 
> This hurt me to write too....

They planned this weeks ago, and ever since then, Kili has barely been able to sit still or sleep. He felt nothing but utter joy and excitement to see Legolas once more. Even Fili had taken notice to Kili’s giddy behavior and inability to shut up about being in love, about how ‘no one else gets it’ because they haven't been in love like he has. That bit annoyed him, but he was just glad to see Kili happy.

Kili runs up to Fili in the evening, draping himself over his older brother’s shoulders as if he were a heavy cape. Fili chuckles and puts his hand on Kili’s shoulder. “You keep running off to see him, and I’m happy for you, brother, really, but…” He shrugs the younger off his back and plants both hands on his arms. “Perhaps you think more of your future? Your future in Erebor and Amad, Uncle, and I? I want you happy, truly, but if you are serious about the elf, it’s time to stop hiding and tell Thorin, if not also Amad.” 

Kili frowns, feeling that he'd just set a trap for himself this way. “Aye, and I will. After tonight, I was going to, really, I was. I must ask him first, it's not only mine to say, Fili, you know this, surely?” His lips curl into a smile again, engulfing his brother into a hug. Fili laughs.

“Will you at least be watchful for orcs on your way, brother. I don't want to sew you up in the morning.” Fili half teases, patting Kili’s back a little too hard to be playful.

Kili huffs at that and scoffs. “I doubt your stitching has improved much. I'd rather go to Óin, you know how much I hate that.” 

“Let's hope you need neither of us.” Fili lets go of his brother, squeezing his shoulder with a lingering hand before smiling. 

“Come home before dawn. Amad would want to know where you were.”

“I'm not one to miss breakfast. You worry too much, Fili. I'll be fine.”

—

Legolas made sure the agreed upon clearing was free of stray branches or pebbles. He wanted it to only be soft grass and flat earth under the furs, but unless he’d brought a shovel, it wouldn't be possible without getting mud on his hands. The elf rested his bow on the trunk of a nearby tree, somewhere within arm’s reach if he ever needed it.

It wasn't long until a rustling in the bushes near the entrance of the clearing could be heard, followed by a soft thump and unintelligible sound. No doubt it was a curse, knowing Kili. Once he made it into view, Kili immediately threw his furs toward Legolas's, and opened his arms for him. 

“Legolas, amrâlimê.” Kili grinned, circling his arms around the elf’s torso. He pressed his face to Legolas's chest and took the scent of him in. This felt more like home than anything he’d ever known.

“Meleth nîn,” Legolas leans down to kiss the top of Kili’s head, an arm coming around to take the dwarf’s.

They laughed and did an awkward dance before finally flopping onto the furs. They just couldn't get out of each other’s way correctly and Legolas ended up having to stand completely still so Kili could pass.

Kili dragged himself to lie atop the elf’s chest, crushing him with a comfortable weight. He traced runes into his shoulder, all sorts of things, and Legolas would sometimes ask what they meant. Kili would always say it was nothing he didn't already know. 

Legolas's arm lay across Kili’s back, his fingers absentmindedly playing with the ends of his hair. Even surrounded by open forest instead of fine, sturdy walls, both elf and dwarf felt as safe as safe could mean. 

“Before I came, Fili warned me to be careful.” Kili huffed, then gestured to the rest of his body. “I've always made it in one piece.”

“You are a reckless dwarf,” Legolas teased, and Kili only pouted. “Handsome as you are,” he says, leaning in to pepper kisses along his nose and flushed cheeks. “You cannot deny it.”

“No, but I'm just the right amount of reckless.” Kili swats half heartedly at Legolas, not really wanting the onslaught of lips on his face to stop.

“Just over the right amount.” Legolas corrects, giving a last kiss to the dwarf’s mouth.

“Hardly.” Kili chases his lips, a smile spreading across his features.

—

The night was calm and clear, their space had an opening in the leaves so that moonlight could peek through. This also meant the stars were visible and Kili points to a particularly shiny one above them.

“Do your folk give names to the stars? Tell stories of them?”

“Elves tell stories of the stars—of how the lands came to be. Of what was lost, what was gained. Some say the stars are the combined souls of great elves and their loves.”

“Perhaps one day, a star would appear and it would be ours.” Kili says hopefully, his voice had fallen to a soft whisper. Legolas chuckles and nods, heart filling with warmth. “What is that one?” Kili asks, turning his head back to Legolas, who smiles fondly at the child-like innocence in the dwarf.

“Alcarinquë, the glorious. Varda created Alcarinquë when Elves first awoke. It is one of the brightest in the sky.”

Kili’s finger drags a line from one ball of light to another, appreciating how beautiful the name rolls from Legolas’s tongue. “And this one?”

Legolas thinks for a moment, the memory coming back to him slowly. “Elemmírë, the star jewel. I was told once, it was a planet." 

“As big as ours?”

“Smaller, I suppose.” The tip of his finger brushes the point in the sky where a solitary, red star was settled, as if he could touch it if he only tried. But there was no such thing as touching the stars, of course. “Borgil, the steadfast star. It is red, unlike the others… perhaps my favorite.”

“Borgil…” Kili repeats, testing its name several times as if to etch the pronunciation into his head. So he would remember the smallest things of Legolas to make up for their lost time.

They watch, quiet, and still until the grey clouds of night drift on to shadow the light of the moon and its friends, the stars.  
“I wish we could be somewhere more comfortable.” Kili sighs, eyes darting up to meet Legolas’s. “A mattress would be nice, though I couldn't promise I won't fall asleep.” 

Legolas chuckles and pets his hair. “It’d look ridiculous to drag a mattress out into the forest.”

Kili snorts. “I meant… If we no longer needed to hide—”

“Not yet..” the hand on Kili’s hair halts, “soon, meleth nîn, but I can't yet.”

Kili nods in understanding, he too felt afraid at the very thought of telling his Amad or Thorin. And Thranduil from what he'd heard from Thorin, was just as intimidating. 

They were quiet for a few minutes, basking in oddly pleasant silence until Legolas breathed heavily and spoke again. 

“When we do… I _promise_ , Kili, when we do tell them, there will be no need to hide. And if it all goes wrong, we could run away together.”

Kili grins, “where will we go?”

“West. Or anywhere you'd like. As long as I have your love, meleth nîn, I will take you anywhere. _Always_.” Legolas’s stomach felt like it had curled in on itself and exploded into a flurry of butterflies. His heart beat against his ribs, racing. 

“You've my heart. Perhaps until my last exhale, you will have it.” Kili sat up, brought Legolas's hand to— roughly to the area his heart would be— and looked to him with blown pupils. 

“When I was younger,” Legolas starts, shifting himself around so that he could pull Kili into his arms whilst sitting up. “My father told me elves loved only once.” He drew his hand up, pausing on Kili’s chest. “His only love was my mother. He hasn't taken anyone else since her death.”

“I'm sorry—”

“No, it was… a long time ago–. But,” Legolas inhales against Kili’s hair, chin resting just barely on his shoulder. “Elves love only once, for all their lives. I love you, and I will for eternity.”

Kili's heart jumps and tears pool at the corner of his eyes. Legolas spoke the truth, he was sure of it, but no one had ever said they loved him. His Amad, Fili, and Uncle did not count. This was a different kind of love and suddenly he was reminded that he was damned with impermanence. Cursed with mortality, or was it Legolas that was doomed with eternal life, one would always watch the other wither and one would always have to live on.

“Even if I were to…” he could not bring himself to even say it, but he knew Legolas caught on.

“I would see you to your maker and even love you then. I would visit your tomb and remember your smile, your hair, your hands. I promise to you, I will memorize your very voice and the color of your eyes when you look at me.”

—

Kili had fallen asleep against Legolas’s side. Heavy arms held the elf in place, like a long pillow that provided warmth and even kisses. Kili smiled in his sleep and Legolas thought it to be the cutest thing he’d ever seen. Sometimes, the wind would blow a strand or two of hair into his face, and gently, Legolas would brush it away behind his ears.

It was silent, save for the occasional sounds of the forest and Kili’s light snoring, but Legolas found it peaceful and a good time to think more of what would come later for them.

What would come later was death, inevitably. When his mother had died, Legolas was young, but not young enough to ignore the signs of his father’s grief. He’d heard of elves who died of a broken heart, a wound of the spirit, and he wished not to be a victim of _that_ death. He'd seen it almost take his father, it would not take him too. 

Later, if they married, later, if they lived a life together, a real one, Kili would one day _die_. For a moment, only a blink, Legolas thought of a solution that would not only save himself, but Kili, from having to count his own already numbered days. It was a wicked thought, but it stuck for a long while. If they didn't marry, if they didn't live a life, a real one, Kili would still one day die, but without the attachment of Legolas to burden him.

It wouldn't be abandoning a lover if there wasn't one to abandon. If he left today, he would live. If he left today, he might not want to get out of bed for weeks, but he would live. And Kili wouldn't have to worry. Kili would find love again and—…  
What was he thinking?

—

In the morning, Legolas woke to Kili staring up at him with bright, beautiful eyes. A kiss was placed on his chin and his cheek, and Kili had slid away from him.

“Our first real night together,” Kili chirped, lips spread into the widest smile Legolas had ever seen on him.

“It was.” Legolas grimaced, trying his best to hide and ignore the voice in his head that told him not to go through with this.

“There will be more, I'm sure. But I've to go. Amad will be looking for me soon—” Kili looked up from where he was fixing his tunic, Legolas looked troubled. "Is something wrong, amrâlimê?"

“I must tell you something, Kili.”

**Author's Note:**

> The break up  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/22858057


End file.
